Monday, May 14, 2012

Gone...but never forgotten....

Hello everyone.

Sheesh... I have been awol from here for far toooo long... It's not even cool. I am so sorry.. Serious shame on me..

I was hoping that what would bring me back here would be good news but alas i guess it wasn't supposed to be so.

Last year, i talked about my aunt having stage 4 cancer (of the stomach) and how the news was kept from me for a while because i was studying for my LSAT exam. Well she died yesterday. My uncle was by her side when she died at the hospital (her son was at home with another cousin of mine). I was dumbfounded when my father told me (he was crying like a baby). It sucks so much because i still called her last week and i promised to call her back this week because though she felt better, her voice still sounded so weak and my mum said i shouldn't stress her too much with the calls..

My heart breaks for my little cousin. I don't even know..The almighty God will continue to protect, provide for him & shield him. Amen.

I remember going to visit her before i traveled and we talked about so much. I remember how happy she was that i came to visit her. "Ajala travel" was what she called me. I also remember how thankful she was that i helped her with the dishes because the side effects of the chemotherapy had made her unable to put  her hands in water. She prayed for me that i would be happy and would excel. She promised to keep in touch and would ensure to call often. Sadly, she couldn't do much of that because she was in the hospital constantly. I remember looking at & taking a picture of all the medication that she had to take and feeling so sad that she had to deal with such a horrible ailment.

I don't know but her death just makes it that much more clearer to me that life is oh so fickle. One minute we're here and the next we're gone. As cliche as it is, it hit me again that i need to make the best of life. I need to work harder, spend time with supportive family and friends, give back, be happy, explore, get rid of toxic friendships/people, not hold back and love wholeheartedly. She would always tell me that.

I really wish i was there with her in her final days/moments because she was one of the few people on my father's side that i truly loved and got along with & who cared about me so much. She would always tease me about forever being so crazy and being a "Ms no-nonsense". She would advice me about life, men, school. What didn't i talk to her about...I also remember joking with her that when i get back she needs to introduce me to the fine guy who brings her medication. Sigh..

I couldn't even sleep and I struggled to get my behind out of bed today to go to work. I really didn't want to..

I can still her hear voice in my head whenever i called to say hi: "Abimbola mi.  Ba wo ni? I hope all's well and you're doing good?"

To think that she just discovered that she had cancer early last year and now she's gone. The only consolation i have is that she no longer has to deal with all the pain. God rest her precious soul.

Life... Sigh..

Love you always always always Aunt Tayo..

Saturday, November 26, 2011

I'm thankful......

Hello everyone...

Happy belated thanksgiving to "all the Americanas"...) I'm sure y'all must be stuffed from all the food...I know i kinda am...Almost pulled out the "Joey pants" sef but i controlled myself....:)

Speaking of food, it's a blessing to have food. Some people don't have food...That i don't have to worry or think about when/where I'll be getting my next meal is humbling and i'm so thankful to God. I pray that he meets all those who are deprived at their points of need. Amen..

Purpose of this post is just to say God is faithful. He really is... It's amazing.. I prayed to God that today will be a productive day.... Tori commences...

My day started off "okay". But as it progressed my dad's girlfriend let me down because my dad bla bla bla... (another story for another day)....To top it off, the English teacher i sent my law school personal statement to gave me feedback that made me wonder if i should go back to primary 1 to learn how to write all over again...He didn't even offer any positive comment(s)...To summarize, he said: "your coursework in law school will not be about law; your courses will focus upon uses of the English language...Please count the number of "I's" & "it's" in your essay...Instead of trying to rework this essay, consider some inspirational reading and reframe your effort"....

It was just so depressing... I thought to myself: "But am i dumb or something? personal statements are allowed to have I's and what not now..." Sigh...

Extremely frustrated (because i have less than 2 weeks to turn in my apps) and feeling the tears about to run down my eyes, I decide to head to the gym. As I'm about to leave, my friend calls me (i sent her the teachers response and she just made me feel so much better). She gives me honest major feedback, no bullshitting or sugar coating, that just left me overjoyed...Instead of going to the gym, i stayed home on and worked on the personal statement.. And i think i made some progress (my friend agrees)....Granted the statement is not where i want it to be (currently it's at two-three quarter and i need it to be at 2 pages)...But the fact that the statement is better off than where it was a few hours ago, I just had to say thank you Lord. It may be "small" but it's still something...I'm learning to thank God for my "small victories"...

So yep, that's my story and I'm sticking to it...:) I truly do hope everyone is well?.. I know i haven't visited some of your blogs in like forever....It's so sad.. But working on law school apps combined with work = major time sucker...Meh....The only free "social" time i have is to act a fool on twitter (which i soooo love) and that's when I'm at the gym or on my lunch break...God dey sha...This too shall pass....

Okey dokes, I'm off to bed so i can wake up early for church.. God bless us all and the work of our hands. His mercy and love be upon us and i hope we all have a fantastic Sunday and a productive, divinely, favored week ahead. Amen...

Ps: Major side eye to the unceremonious removal of Mrs. Farida Waziri as Executive Chairman of EFCC (naija leaders ehn smcheew), may the Lord God comfort the lady who lost her 3 children and ex-husband in a plane crash on thanksgiving eve i believe, RIP to Chukwuemeka Odumegwu-Ojukwu (May God comfort his family through this trying time), hats off to all the U.S military women and men and their families (it ain't easy), and yawn to the NBA & co reaching a deal....

Toodles lovers,

Shade..

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I have a confession...

Howdy howdy peeps..

Okay i'm sorry i lied:) I have no "confession at all". (I was watching the Backyard crew's Oliver video for the hundreth time...Hence the title)....

The only confession i have is that i'm doing good. I thank God for his grace and mercy in my life. Plus the boyfriend and i worked things out and are doing okay. i may have blown thigns out of proportion *insert embarrassed smiley* (thanks Neefemi, Honey Dame & Muse Origins for checking in). Aside from that, work is going okay...Stressful but fun all the same.. I need to get working on my law school personal statement STAT. It's not even funny... God is my strength and inspiration...

Okey dokes, that it's from me. I'm off to the gym. Hopefully my writer block is set free and i get ideas for my personal statement...

I hope you all have a blessed Friday and a fantastic weekend...

God bless and protect us all. Amen..

Less i forget, congrats to My backyward crew for winning the D'Banj / Don Jazzy Oliver twist video contest...Lovely lovely...


Monday, October 17, 2011

Dreary days...

Hello peeps,

Sheesh, i've been so awol from here, it's so ridiculous and disgraceful.. I honestly wouldn't have been here in another month due to life ish (i know i'm such a bad child) but my boyfriend just hurt my feelings so so so bad yesterday. To make matters worse, a few minutes ago, I was sitting up crying my eyes out in my room like a mumu and I'm like shit, i haven't blogged in forever so i might as well stop wasting my lovely tears and get productive.. So here i am..

I hope everyone is doing okay... God is our strength. Nothing much going on with me..Work is good... It's definitely become more challenging but i love it...I thank God for my family and friends...Life is a gift...

I don't really have much to say. I just wanted to make sure i stopped shedding tears over idiots who don't deserve it.. So yeah..

By God's grace i'll be fine.. This too shall pass.. Amen....The funny/sad thing is that i realize I'm crying because of the disrespect (I can't stand it when people who claim to love/like me do that to me and then compound it by intentionally being a major asswipe) and the fact that i know i deserve better and deserve to be respected...Everyone does.... No one deserves to be treated like crap. No one...

Anyhoo, it is well. I'm off to the gym. I can't let no one steal my joy.

Ps: Shout out to Neefemi for cheering me up. I really appreciate it sweets. Thank you...

I hope everyone continues to have an amazing week ahead. God bless and prosper us all. May he continue to draw us close to him and may his grace and love be upon us this week..Amen...

*hugs* :)

Shade..




Thursday, August 11, 2011

Mountain of Fire post....

 Morning everyone (it's 12.37am my side of the globe)...

I hope everyone is doing okay? God is our strength... Less i forget, Happy Ramadan to my Muslim peeps...Una better pray for me o... Ehen..

Okey dokes, I need to quickly share something before i deuces to bed... I spoke to my mum not too long ago and she shared some ish going on that just made me go WTF! It shook me to my core...This world ehn...*Shudders*

All i can say is that like Ephesians 6 vs 12 says: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

Some people are crazy and evil. They'll do anything to amass power and wealth and it's beyond shocking and terrifying... I can even see it in certain issues in my life...But God is in control..

Tangent: In case y'all haven't heard,  I heard from the grapevine that I'm God's favorite young woman!!! *Yay me*:). Back to my rambling...

Before i go on, i know that some people may go bla bla bla there goes Shade and her Nigerian "demon stories/beliefs"..Especially with our generation, as some of our parents will agree, we get so "removed from the "harsh realities of life" due to the advent of technology and just think that it is what it is...

But the truth is in this life shit happens. People/things are not always what they seem...People do crazy and evil things and take other people's blessings to get to where they are undeserving of..The list is endless....

So a la the title of my prayer, I'm going to pray that for each and everyone of us.....Well before i pray i will stress that we need to be careful who we share our dreams, goals, plans, whatever it is that concerns us, with...Not everyone is happy for you... Not everyone wants you to succeed....Unknown to you, people are jealous (as naijas will say, we do have haters/henmeies). Like my mum tells me, it's better to look like a "dodoyo" and let people think you're foolish....Better safe than sorry... Plus it's more sad that rather than take the high ground and agree that we all have varying blessings and such, some people (even our parents) would rather strategize to bring you down even if it's means killing you or taking your blessings....What kind of life is that? Hmmnn..Sigh...

Okay back to za prayer. For each and everyone of us (well those that read my blog & if you claim the prayer *insert sheepish smiley face here) that are being tested with various issues in our families and personal lives, issues caused by people we know/don't know, the Lord God will expose them and separate such individuals from us.... As the stereotype of the naija christian goes, I'm sure the next thing that some of you are expecting is "THUNDER &DIE". But i shan't :)

I shall leave such people to God.. He will deal with them... Also, for those of us whose blessings, dreams, success, and future endeavours have been tied down in spiritual places or have been taken to one "mama" or "baba" or oritsa or whatever living in some village, tree, water, the Lord God will send his holy angels to retrieve our blessings. He shall expose such people. Their plans will backfire (be it our parents, siblings, friends, family friends, whomever)...Again, don't get it twisted...The ish i heard today &what i know personally, have seen &heard with my "koroko eyes and ears"....Mehn, people can be evil..Enough said.....

The Lord God shall cause confusion in their midst..He will dabaru their evil plans against us. Amen..We shall testify to the glory of the Lord in our lives...No weapon formed against us shall prosper... We will prevail. Amen &Amen... As the Yoruba's say: "Oluwa li Oluso Agutan mi"..(The Lord is our shepherd).

Aiight, i think i can get off my Reverend Shade pulpit and deuces to bed...Sheet. It's 1.30am...

I hope everyone has a blessed rest of the week and great weekend... God shall EVERLY be our strength and guide... Amen...

Psalm 18 vs 2: "The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."

*hugs*

Sincerely,

Reverend Shade:)

Credit image to: theconservativetreehouse.wordpress.com

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Ranting time...

Hello everyone. My goodness! Its been a while. My serious bad (yawn Shade). Shout out to Dosh for calling me out....Thanks lady:)

Plus, I hope everyone is doing well? God dey. Per moi, i'm just hanging in there. Enjoying the last week of my vacay before i return to work... *sad face*... Per my aunt, she's doing okay. Although she's had to be hospitalized twice in the past 2 weeks because she had her crisis. The chemo is affecting her a lot. It is well. God bless you all for your kind words & prayers. I really appreciate it..

So i was hoping that the next thing i blogged about would be my overdue post on one of the articles Mr Chris Idihero wrote on the Nigerian entertainment industry but I'll do that later..Moving on.

What brings me back to blogging has to do with something i read on twitter & it really left me seething inside. Someone (a guy) mentioned, and I'm largely paraphrasing here, that: "It's really good when people cry because it helps you feel better & gets out all the sadness bla bla. And someone else (a guy) responded that "are you sure you're not gay?"...

Tangent: One thing I can never stand is hypermasculinity and prejudice... I just can't...It's even more saddening when said people don't see anything wrong with their beliefs...Ugh!

Back to my rant..

I'm like really? In 2011, a guy crying means that he's gay!!...Not only did that anger me, my mind immediately went to Larry King (RIP), the 15 year old boy from Malibu who was killed last year at point blank range by his classmate just because he was gay...It's just too sad...

I mean it's comments like these that promote foolish & harmful ideologies. C'mon now.. We can do better than that... The level of intolerance that now pervades society is very troubling. I mean we don't even have to look far than the situation in Norway. Anders Behring Breivik, who just comes across as a callous human being, kills innocent people all under the auspice of being an "anti Muslim crusader for Christendom". Really? Is that what Christ is about? Sigh.

I don't know it just worries me..Everywhere one looks, from children to adults, there's some dogma of hate / heinous crimes being carried out just because we don't agree with other people's beliefs...

Like someone mentioned: "I understand that everyone is a little prejudiced, but this HATE is getting out of control, people getting killed just for being different, it needs to stop".

We really need to stop calling each other names. It's too sad.. I don't care if you're gay, straight, bendy, christian, ant worshiper, Hindu, Muslim, agnostic, we MUST respect each other, regardless of our beliefs.. We may not agree with each other but we sure as hell need to be tolerant & compassionate...

I could go on but i don't want this to turn into a dissertation. But before i draw the curtains on this rant, i will go on another tangent and stress that it's funny when some of us judge other people because they're different from the "norm". We forget that it's only God's grace that keeps us. It's only because of his love and mercy that we have the lives that we have. Just because someone is a thief, is gay or practices a different religion doesn't mean you're better than them. All it means is that we should get on our ashy knees and thank God for his grace in our lives. I'm not perfect...Sheet. I got so much repenting to do, it's crazy. My friend Uzo will testify to that :) (Besides, the Lord would even slap me if i ever claimed to be that).

But what i do know (and i owe that to my mother) is that i realize that everyday, i have to be cognizant of what i say, believe, and how i think. You just never know who is watching (and I'm not talking about being pretentious). So many times we Christians want to bring people to Christ and we think that "preaching" is the only way to do so. We forget that our actions and words have so much power to change people's lives. If only we can realize that. And it's all by God's grace... Moreover, truth be told, i love the fact that it's the people whom society deem as "sinners" (like we ain't all sinners) that the Lord God has often used to bless & support me. God sure has a sense of humor..Thank you lord.

Besides, the Lord God has shown us mercy and grace in spite of our sinful tushes how much more should we show love and mercy to others. Sigh...

Before i deuces, my heart goes out to the people in Norway. May the Lord God comfort them all. The same with Amy Winehouse's family. May Amy's soul RIP. Just so sad. The woman who abandoned her baby to die in the ceiling...sigh. May the baby's soul RIP. RIP to Olatunji Okiki and Motunrayo Ogbara. God knows best. The people in Somalia, you're in my prayers.. And to those of us who are struggling with different things in our lives, (be it an illness, faith, trust, finances, joy, etc) may the Lord God meet us all at our points of need. Amen..

Ps: Shoutout to Congress for not being able to reach an agreement on the US debt ceiling...The force be with y'all.. We the pitiful "constituents" will be the ones to pay for it....*rme*

Have a blessed rest of the week everyone...

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Hmmn...


I was hoping that my first post after being away for a hot second would be all happy go-lucky. But alas it wasn't meant to be, i guess.

Apart from the fact that i spent the entire day yesterday crying as I'm extremely unhappy with how I did on my exam (it is in God's hands), my dad just told me that my aunt has cancer of the stomach which has unfortunately spread to her liver. I'm shocked! I don't even know what to think right now. It's surreal.

What breaks my heart is that i spoke to her a week and a half ago and she didn't mention it. Apparently she found out 3 months ago but didn't want to tell me because i was studying for my exam. After talking to my dad this morning, i called her to see if i could pay her a visit because I'm off work today. But she said she was at the hospital. I didn't want her to know i knew, so i asked her for what? She just replied: "Shade we'll talk later." I said: "Aunty, i hope it's nothing serious o?" She said: "It is, but God will make it right." I just cried silently over the phone. I told her i will visit her tomorrow once i get off work..

Hmmn..

I'm such a hot mess right now. The image of my little cousin keeps flashing through my mind and i don't, can't and won't fathom him not having his mum around. I don't even know what my uncle is going through.

Yesterday after crying over my exam and doubting that God would choose to grant me favor over my exam and grant me success after slaving my life away for three months (after all what makes me so special?), my lovely friend Uzo chastised me and said I'm acting like the Israelites. It's no secret to most people who really know me that i have deep issues with trusting God. I feel like he seems to never show up when i really need him or when i pray to him for certain things/ on behalf of others.

But with my aunt's situation, I've decided I'm not going to go my usual "But why God?" route. I'm mentally and emotionally drained. All I'll continue to do and can do is pray for her and by God's grace he'll perfect his healing in her body and make her strong again...

I called my mum and told her. She was almost crying. She prayed for her and told me to show my aunt love and support through this trying period. She also added that not to belittle my anxiety, but me worrying about my exam and stressing pales in comparison to the pain my aunt is presently going through. Her comments gave me some perspective.

Hmmn. This life is so.....

God take control of aunt T's life. That's all i ask of you. That's really all.

Credit image to: 
www.goingkookies.wordpress.com/2008/10/09/yet-another-sad-episode/